[Harley] These memories, they haunt me

[Charlie Parker]

He could remember the day like it had happened yesterday. Three years and the memory was still burned in his mind like a fresh wound. It made him angry and cold, unwilling to love anyone for fear of losing them. He hated the people responsible, even though he had never really met them. Every time someone brought up the subject he just wanted to break things or beat the "offender" into a pulp. He was six years old and his life was a tragedy like that of Romeo and Juliette. He could remember all those days he spent in the hospital sitting in the chair beside his dad's bed, silently hoping that he would wake up, then watching them pull the plug. His mom had tried to get him to leave, to not watch his dad die, but he refused... he wanted to be there. Most three year olds wouldn't understand such things, but somehow, Jamie did. He knew that they were killing his dad, and he hated them for it, but he wasn't going to leave... nobody should have to die alone.

Three years later he was there again, surrounded by stark white walls, perched on the edge of the bed, watching the life slowly drain out of his frail mother's body as she lost he fight with cancer. If he had been cold and bitter before, he was even worse now. He knew no one was to blame for his mom's death, but he was angry at whatever powers there might be controlling the fate of the world for taking her from him. Without her he had no one. Sure, there was Charlie and Chuck and Melody... but it wasn't the same. After his dad had died it had been him and his mom against the world, now it was just him, and the world was suddenly a terrifying place when you were alone. Admittedly, he'd cried. If he hadn't he wouldn't have been human. What child should ever go through watching the one they love the most fade away like that?

He was traumatized by the events, and every day he replayed them in his mind over and over and over again until he convinced himself that he would never feel anything ever again. Secretly, and perheps even unbeknownst to him, though, he did. Charlie, Chuck, and Melody were his family now, and as much as he would deny loving any of them, he did. Now Harley had entered the picture, and try as he might he was getting more and more attached to her. No one would ever know it, though. Jamie steered clear of anything that could possibly be proof that he could still feel. As young as he was, he had experienced enough loss to not want to feel, and he was determined not to. He was standoffish and quiet, only speaking when spoken to. Whenever they went places together, he lagged behind or off to the side as if he was trying to not be a part of the family he had been adopted into.

On this particular day, he was outside by himself, as usual. Chuck was off probably playing football against 100 imaginary opposing team members and returning the punt for a touchdown or something like that. Melody was asleep upstairs in the house just as she always was at this hour. Charlie was at work, and Harley was probably inside entertaining Chuck's football fetish. This left Jamie to his own devices. Unlike most kids, he didn't run around like a lunatic imagining he was a knight or a Jedi or whatever kids pretend to be these days. Instead, he was just sitting in the grass out in the yard absent mindedly picking blades of grass, lost in his thoughts, unaware that Harley had just been called to be informed that Charlie had been brought to the hospital with an injury to his shoulder and as per hospital and police guidelines, he wasn't "allowed" to drive himself home after being given the pain medication, even though pain medications never effected him at all. No matter how many times he told them it wouldn't help, they would still insist, so he would entertain their obsessive need to pump drugs into their patients... and this of course meant that Harley would have to pack the kids into the car and come get him. Knowing Charlie, he had protested and tried to convince them he was fine and could continue working, but they weren't budging this time.

[harley]

So far so good… The day had started off like any other day. Harley watched Charlie drive off to work smiling after him. Never in a million years would she have predicted that she’d be standing there. But she was and she wouldn’t have it any other way. Luckily for her the kids slept in to a decent time each day so she was allowed to climb back into bed for a little while before she had to start the morning routine. Little did she know that waving Charlie off and climbing into bed was the beginning of the morning routine… if someone were to ever hire an assassin to kill her it wouldn’t be hard to predict her movements. Before jail she always hated routines she liked being unpredictable and spontaneous. Sure she still added her touch of spontaneity to her and the kids schedule but since Melody was just a baby and needed naps it had to be scheduled spontaneity… if that makes sense.

The day carried along rather smoothly. Melody was your typical baby girl; she already thought the world revolved around her (which it pretty much did at this point). Diaper change pretty much every half hour it seemed like, fed, and down for her afternoon nap relatively easy as compared to the fight she normally put up. Chuck rambled on about football all during breakfast, watched football, played football, the child lived and breathed football, it was his entire life. After lunch he continued to follow Harley around while she straightened up the house, demonstrating his skills and chattering on. Jamie on the other hand tended to distance himself. Harley didn’t take it personally, she wasn’t his mom nor did she have any intentions of replacing their mom. He was different than Chuck he kept to himself for the most part. If she got Chuck to watch TV or play madden then she could usually sit down and have quiet time with Jamie but he didn’t like talking to her too much. She thought that he’d ease up once she moved in but things just sort of remained the same. It wasn’t as if he didn’t like her he just wasn’t as open with her… but she’d learned to get used to it.

Like in pretty much every household that had kids the dishes tended to stack up pretty quickly so Harley parked herself in front of the sink after straightening up a bit. There was Jamie sitting out in the yard playing with the grass. She let out a soft sigh, she just wanted to help the kid, he always seemed so… off in outer space thinking about things that a kid his age shouldn’t think about so much. He was such a good kid; she wished she could help him have fun. But every time she thought about trying she didn’t want to be too overbearing or smothering. It was definitely a role reversal instead of the child yearning for the adult’s approval it was the other way around. But she wasn’t planning on going anywhere so he could take all the time he needed… and if it never happened then she’d just have to live with it.

The ringing of the phone brought her out of the deep thought that she had sunk into. On the other line was a nurse…. That was one thing about being in a relationship with a Policeman… there was always that risk of getting a phone call. She bit her lip and wiped her hands off as the nurse explained what was going on and her stomach wound itself into knots. I guess she knew it was possible that he would get hurt but she never really expected it to happen. It probably wasn’t as bad as it sounded like just a shot to his shoulder nothing that would kill him but the idea of it sent a shiver down her spine. Regrouping she nodded said “okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” And hung up the phone. She glanced at Chuck in the living room then back out at Jamie. Deciding that it would be wise to tell Jamie first she walked out the back door and crouched down next to him. “Hey Jamie, whatcha thinking about?” She didn’t want to be blunt so small talk was all she could think of… she was new at this whole mothering thing… but she liked to think she was getting the hang of it… With Jamie though she just wanted to be friends first.

[Charlie Parker]

There were very few things in life that were certain, but if there were only three they would be death, taxes, and Jamie growing up to be a "heartless jackass who never did anything for anyone except himself." All people learn their habits from when they are young, and Jamie was certainly learning to be bitter and distant from everyone else. The older he got the worse it was going to be. For now, being bitter didn't really matter that much since he was only seven, and honestly, what could a seven year old do? For now, the extent of his bitterness was just being standoffish and going out of his way to not make friends at school. Eventually, it would be much worse.

Because of all this, he had gotten to be a wonderful liar. Not that lying was ever a good thing, but if he wanted you to believe something other than the truth, by golly you would believe exactly what he wanted you to believe. When people asked him if he was ok, they always left believing he was, even though he hadn't been okay for five years now. Losing your parents wasn't something that was easily forgotten, especially when it happened in the most essential years of a child's life... odds were, Jamie would never be okay. If he was ever doing something he shouldn't have he could convince anyone that he wasn't doing it, or else weasel his way out of the consequences. He really was brilliant, it was just unfortunate that he was also so emotionally compromised.

He looked up when Harley approached, but waited for her to say whatever she had to say before really acknowledging her. For being so young he certainly acted more like an adult than a child. Were he not a borderline pathological liar, he probably would have told her that he was thinking about the way things used to be and the way things would be if his mom hadn't died... but there was no way in hell he was going to tell her that. So instead of just coming out with the truth he shrugged. Just stuff. he said, though he knew full well that she wouldn't think that was an acceptable answer. That was the thing about Jamie. He didn't think about things that kids typically thought about. Rather than thinking about how awesome he would be when he grew up to be an airplane pilot or what have you, he thought about things like how people interacted and what people thought about in their very last seconds before they died.

like school and stuff. he added after a momentary pause, hoping she wouldn't pry into it. As good as he was at lying, he didn't like to do it, even though he would if he had to. Self preservation at it's finest. He was always as vague in his answers to questions like this as he possibly could be, hoping people would grow tired of trying to get more specific answers out of him. He drove his teachers insane. Often when they would ask a simple question he would give an even more simple answer that was technically correct so they couldn't call him out on it, but wasn't really what they were expecting. Jamie was a one of a kind child, and the world would be better off if he stayed one of a kind. The fewer "Jamies" there were out there, the better.

[harley]

The word intelligent didn’t do Jamie justice. Yes, he was smart but he was so much more than that. He was intuitive; he paid attention, and observed everything, taking it all in. He never once acted out rashly or you know acted his age… he was wise behind his years. That worried Harley a little… He was so young to act so grown up. He never really played… anything he did was always somehow aiding to learning something. Whether it was life lessons or just something to do with school. It was odd to say the least but that’s not why it worried Harley. She didn’t want him to miss out on having fun and being a kid. She knew what it was like to grow up and be responsible and take care of yourself at a young age and it wasn’t healthy. There’s a reasons for going through stages at certain ages and being forced to skip a stage even if you are smart enough to figure things out… it just wasn’t right… not in Harley’s mind. But that didn’t really matter since Jamie wasn’t going to listen to her… this was his choice and no one was going to change his mind… that she knew for sure.

After her dad got arrested things for Harley went south quickly. She knew what it was like to lose a parent… in more than one way. Her dad provided for the family illegally for the most part and her mother contributed by waitressing at night. She sometimes picked up a day shift here and there to help out when things in the “car” business were slow. So Harley would spend the day with her dad working on cars and picking them up if it was necessary. Since their income wasn’t always consistent Harley was in and out of school and by the age of 10 they decided to home school for the rest of her elementary school years… or for as long as it took for the income to steady out. She didn’t mind in the least she thought she was too smart for school and that she didn’t need it. Harley would rather be in the garage with her dad. He called her his little grease monkey. She was always closer with her dad rather than her mom; she was a daddy’s girl.

Harley liked to think she could relate to Jamie a little… but she would never be ignorant enough to think she knew how he felt. She didn’t know much about what had happened but she tried her best to be understanding of how he handled it all. Besides it wasn’t her place… She sat down in front of him as he answered her question. His answer was pretty vague at first and he added more to it before she had the chance to pry… She didn’t like prying into him… it wasn’t because she was afraid of pushing him away. It was more because she didn’t want to be the annoying adult. Harley didn’t care if adults found her annoying or what not… but a child’s opinion of her was important, to her anyways. Especially Jamie’s opinion, she couldn’t tell you why but she really wanted to be friends with him. She nodded in response looking around the yard… she really had no idea how to casually bring this up so she was just going to go with honesty. “Oh okay...." She said first to officially acknowledge and accept his response. "Uhm..." She cleared her throat not wanting to beat around the bush even though she was. "Sorry Jamie... but we've to go to the hospital…” She tipped her head to the side trying not to watch him too closely. Again… Harley was new at all this.

Though Jamie was mature for his age and he put on a strong front… he was still just a kid. The last thing Harley wanted to do was upset him in any way but she also wasn’t going to dance around his feelings because well something told her he wouldn’t appreciate that. “It won’t be for very long… we just have to pick Charlie up.” Subconsciously she began to play with the grass. It was rather entertaining that this kid could get under her skin so much. Not in a bad way at all but no one else made her think or affected her as much as he did. “He’s okay he just needs someone to drive him home is all.” She tried to watch his face for any sort of reaction at all. Jamie made her feel like a little kid… all she wanted was to be accepted by him…

[Charlie Parker]

Hospitals... they were more of a nightmare to Jamie than anything else. Most kids had bad dreams about monsters and dragons and other such mythical creatures... but Jamie... no, whenever he woke up in the night because of a bad dream it had something to do with the hospital... usually somehow sucking the life out of anyone who walked inside of those doors in a slow, wrong, and painful death. They were definitely nightmares that would shake even adults, but he never told a single person about them. He would really rather just not talk about any of it and hide inside of his little shell where no one could get to him. So the moment Harley mentioned going to the hospital, there was an instant change in Jamie. He went from standoffish and guarded to terrified and trapped.

He hadn't been there since his mom had died and the nightmares that had plagued him since had only furthered the trauma of the place. He averted his eyes instantly from her towards the ground and tensed in the way that cats do when cornered by dogs, as if he were unsure if he should lash out or do his best to shrink into the earth and disappear to get away from this "tormenter." Whether he had been on the offensive or the defensive before, he was now definitely just afraid. Everything about it was just so... unnatural. He was normally so calm and collected... so adult-like. Now he was just a kid who was scared to death of doing what she had just told him he had to do. Right now, she was the predator, he was the prey, and she had trapped him in a corner from which there was no escape.

I don't want to go. he said, still not looking at her, and sort of mumbling, which was very non-characteristic of him. You could tell that he was trying to come up with some reason other than the truth, since he just always had to give a reason for everything, but couldn't seem to find one that would keep her from finding out. It was so very unnatural for him to be this way. Jamie was the kid who had an answer and an explanation for everything... not so much anymore. He was practically trembling in fear of the prospect of having to go to the hospital. He was sure that if Charlie had been there that he would die and Jamie would lose yet another person that he loved. He was also sure that if he went there he would somehow die too. Hospitals were places of death... people went there to die.

Everyone dies there. he said quietly, finally. After a moment he looked back up at Harley, that brave cold front just melting away to reveal the little kid who had been though more than any kid should ever have to deal with. It just wasn't right, and it certainly wasn't fair that he got dealt this hand in life, and he'd been carrying all this fear bottled up inside him all this time. As good at parenting as Charlie was, he didn't know how to deal with the emotional trauma Jamie had gone through, and had decided to just let Jamie wait until he was ready to talk about it. Problem was, Jamie would never talk about it if he didn't have to, and so it stayed inside festering into an ugly open wound that, if left untended for too much longer, would never heal up again. Maybe it was already too late.

[harley]

Harley watched as fear swallowed up Jamie’s little body, as he slowly but surely pulled away. His gaze drifted from her and fell to the ground almost instantly. Everything about him was just wrong. Jamie was such a strong little kid… it killed her to see him like this. No little kid should be afraid, not like this. He should feel invincible and protect and the fact that he obviously didn’t just pulled at Harley’s heart. She didn’t like that he felt like he needed to act like an adult. Having been thrown into the adult role at a young age Harley didn’t want him to have to do that too. No child should have to be the parent… It just wasn’t natural. “I don’t want to go.” He said still avoiding looking at her. It was like he was trying to break her heart. She winced slightly in response. This was way out of her element… Harley had no idea how to comfort a 6 year old. This wasn’t in the hand book…. She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat, searching her brain for what to do next. Should she hug him? Or try to talk to him logically? Everything inside her screamed hug him but at the same time she wasn’t sure if he would totally reject that… He was such a smart kid and usually responded well when you talked to him like an adult. But he was just a kid…

Charlie never really talked about why Jamie was the way he was… or about their past at all for that matter. She never pried into it since she didn’t like talking about her past so they both just left it at that. Of course she knew the basics but nothing beyond that. She wiped her hand over her face and let it rest over her mouth for a minute unsure of what to say to that. She just watched him... it was pretty clear that he was trying to think of what to say next. Her mouth opened as she began to respond, with what she had no idea, “Everyone dies there” he said before she had the chance to say anything. She closed her eyes for a second trying to pull herself together. He looked up at her and there was no evidence that the “normal” Jamie was anywhere in there.

Inching herself closer to him she reached out and gently pulled him into a hug. “Oh… Jamie…” She held him for a moment before letting him go just enough so she could look down at him. What could have possibly happened to this kid to make him feel like this? Why was this world so messed up? Part of Harley just wanted to cry but the other part was so angry that something bad could happen to this innocent kid. He didn’t deserve this and she wished that she could just take it all away and make everything all better. Still unsure of what to say she did her best to try and comfort him. “Charlie’s isn’t going to… I promise” She whispered shaking her head slightly. It’s just not right… that same thought kept running through her mind. She knew first hand that the world wasn't fair… but Jamie shouldn’t ever fear something like this. As an adult maybe… but he was just a kid he didn’t need to think about stuff like this.

Sorry its so crappy...