I know it's late but... (Bentley)

[Kate Hudson]

~Kate sits in her truck at the barn, looking at her phone on the dashboard, and thinks about calling Ben. It's been a while since she has seen him, and he hasn't bothered calling her.~

Kate: Hey Ben... it's me... Kate. Haven't heard from you in a while, I hope you're not dead drunk in an ally somewhere. I miss you, please call me back so I won't worry. Bye...

[loneangel08]

Bentley rolls over in his bed as his phone rings. He throws his as he sees that it's Kate calling. He groaned as the girl next to him rolls over. 'Fuck.' Why was she calling him. It was like a constant reminder to him that she cared. Why all he's ever done is hurt her. He got out of the bed and found his phone. After listening to her voicemail he dailed her number.

It rung for a moment then he heard her pick up. '....Hey Kate.....I'm fine. Still breathing.' His voice sounded rough and as if he was half asleep.

[Kate Hudson]

Kate let's a sigh and smiles

" Glad to hear your voice Ben. It was just unlike you to not call me for two weeks, but I don't want to sound like a nagging mother. You're a grown man, and you can take care of yourself. Hey, are we still on for that trail ride tomorrow? I want to show you Sinatra."

[loneangel08]

Her voice runs his body tense. 'Good to hears yours too.' Yea sometimes she sound like she was his mother but deep down he didn't mind it. At least someone called to make sure he was still alive. Someone still cared. 'Sorry I haven't called. I've had a lot of late nights. And yes, we are. I said I'd come and I ment it.' He watch they girl crawl out of his bed toward him. He pushed her away and moved out of his room. Kate was a reminder he was never gonna commit. He was never gonna be they man Kate had hoped he would be, but then again Ben had a problem. He refused to fix it. Maybe he just enjoyed the pain.

[Kate Hudson]

Kate heard the voice of a girl in his room, and her stomach turned in knots, and she gripped the steering wheel. She took the phone away from her ear, and bit her lip. Yes, she still cared about him, and it was hard to let go of someone who never would commit. But Ben needed her, in more ways than one, but he always was pushing her away. She put the phone back to her ear, " I understand Ben" she said softly and looked at the horses in the pasture. Her spirits lifted when he said he would still come, " Good, I cannot wait to show you Sinatra," and she smiled.

[loneangel08]

Ben heard her go quit for a moment. Had she heard the girl. Damn he thought to himself. He listened as she spoke. He caused her so much pain yet she was always there for it. Man was a man he was. You figure he'd drop it all for her. He just wasn't the one for her. He never would be. He knew it. He'd always try to push her away to save her from himself but there she always was take the worst he throw her way. His voice strained as he spoke. 'Kate....' he started but stopped himself and changed his words. 'Can't wait to see him. Bet he's a great ride. How's his jumping?.....By the way how you been?' He kinda feared the answer he'd get with his last question. He kinda wished she'd just yell at him. Curse him out. It's was all he thought he deserved from her.

[Kate Hudson]

Kate ran her fingers through her hair and sighed softly. Why did she always allow herself to get set up for heartbreak with Ben. It was like this every time, she knew the consequences, but she always came back to help him. It was like beating a dog, and it would always wag it's tail and lick your hand. " Well he certainly is no Jericho...yet," she gave him a light chuckle. He's going to be a better dressage horse I thing. He has the grace, and he floats. Where as Jericho has the stamina. I'm blessed to have such great boys," and she smiled.

How was she? Ummmmmm let's see, " I've been doing alright. My friend Holten is back from Afghanistan. A Marine, and a cop, but I'm not sure of him. I mean, he kissed me, but I am unsure of his feelings for me, Ben. You know me... "always the unsure of a man's affections till it's too late Kate."

[loneangel08]

"Glad to hear your doing well with him. I don't know much about dressage. And they are great boys. They'd never do you wrong.' He almost wanted to add 'like I have' but didn't. He just listened to her tell him how she had been while he stood in the doorway of his room. They had laid back in his bed and stared at him. She was one of the randoms that tended to come home with him from the parties. He shook his head at himself. 'Kate....' He seem to choke on her name. 'I know you've been hurt in the past....Maybe he's different. Maybe he'll treat as you deserve. Way better than I ever did. I honest don't know what to tell you. All I can say it follow your heart and if you have a gut feeling about something it's probably right.' He let his voice trail off.

[Kate Hudson]

Kate wiped a tear from her eye, " Don't say that Bentley, I just...I don't want to be hurt again. I've never had a constant ale figure in my life, and some times I get to a point where I've had enough of trying. I don't want to say that you ruined me Ben. Don't ever think that, I know you beat yourself up over that, but do me a favor and don't do that," she said softly and got out of her truck. " Despite how things went in the past between us...I'm glad I still have you."

[loneangel08]

As her voice came through the phone he closed his eyes. She didn't want him beating himself up over what he'd done to her. He didn't want for her at least but he couldn't help it. Everytime he heard her voice. Everytime they tried to act as friends. He loved that she still wanted to be his friend. He needed her, but sometimes the air between them felt so tight. He hoped this guy would show her how to love. How to be happy. He gripped a smile on his lips as if she could see him. 'I'll do my best Kate. I'm glad I still have you as well. Sometimes Kate your my only saving grace. I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for you.' There was truth in his voice. He heard a door shut and he wondered where she was. Was she with Holten? A pain raise in his chest.

[Kate Hudson]

" Well, I am glad to be your saving grace, Ben. We all need someone to look out for us, and make sure we don't always fuck up our lives, right?" she walked away from her truck and walked into her place, and closed the door and Max barked happily, and she smiled. " Max says hi, he wishes you were here," she said and took off her top. She wanted Ben to just hold her like he used to, but there was so much tension between them sexually that she felt it would kill him if he tried to at least sleep with her. She walked up to her bathroom and started the bathwater. " What else is going on Ben? And this time don't sugar coat it. Tell me how you're really feeling," she said.

[loneangel08]

'Yes. Some how he wished he could truly be there for her. Another door closed and a dog barking. He sighed to himself. It was Max so it ment she was home. 'Tell him I miss him and that I wish I could.' Oh how he did. Anywhere but here. After a moment he heard running water. He was gonna ask but she spoke before he could. He froze for a moment. He wanted the truth. No sugar coating or beating around the bush. He breath in deep. He knew these words would be hard for her to take but she wanted the truth. That's least her could give. 'Ok no sugar coating. I feel like shit. Possible sick to my stomach. There's a girl laying in my bed that I don't know. The last few nights have been crazy. Maybe a bit out of control. I'm standing in my bedroom door way wishing I was there instead of here. Sometimes I really wish I could be what you need me to be.....but it seems I never can. To be honest I want another drink...another hit.....I wanna just feel the void in my chest of the fact that I love you yet will never be what you need.....'

[Kate Hudson]

Kate heard his words, and they stung like a giant wasp. She choked on words to say, and more tears came down her face. He had another girl over, and oh how she wished that were her in his bed. She leaned up against the wall and suck to the floor, almost on the verge of sobbing. Why was he doing his to her? She pulled the phone from her ear, and held her hand on the ground. She didn't want to hear how he is ruining his life. She wiped away her tears and took a deep breath. She put her phone back to her ear, " What does your heart tell you Ben? Is your head telling you to stay, but your heart telling you to leave? Do what you feel is right Ben, I cannot make that decision for you, but whoever she is in your bed...I hope she made you happy. I love you Bentley Coleman, that will never change," she said and felt the sting of her own words.

[loneangel08]

Bentley hear her grown quit. His words had hit home. Probably ripped her heart open once more. She had asked for truth and he'd giving it to her. His hand holding the phone fell to his side as his other hand turned into a fist and made contact with the wall of his room next to the door. As he brought the phone back his ear she was speaking. He watched as the girl in his bed stared at him questioningly. Kate cut into the wounds in his chest. His face twisted in pain as they burn like she had let them on fire. He groan loudly. 'My mind says run and my heart has turned cold. I mainly listen to this monster in my head and the void in my chest. As for the girl I guess she makes me happy. Just some girl half wasted laying in my bed. And as for love....Ugh Kate why do you do this to yourself. You ask for the truth knowing it's gonna hurt you. With every word I ever say It kills you and you know it.'

[Kate Hudson]

Kate heard his words, and that's when the tears came out. She pulled the phone away and started to softly cry, and pulled her knees to her chest. She was abusing herself with the notion that she could change Bentley, and that he could love her. She did this with most of the guys that she was with. She wanted acceptance from them, and love.

She held in her tears and said, " I know I do this to myself Ben, but I want to hear it from you, and not from what my head tells me. Yes, I'm a complete fool for thinking that you could change, but I am probably the only person on this earth that actually gives a shit about you. Why do you not care about yourself?!" she screamed. Look at her, I mean really look at her Ben... do you see your life just like this? Partying and coming home with a strange girl every night, or do you see past that? You are better than that Bentley! I know the man you want be, you told me years ago of your dreams, and you are throwing them away."