Post by kurucz on Nov 26, 2010 2:12:39 GMT -5
Ah Dustin... his history was more of a tragedy than Hamlet, his story was more of a tear jerker than Romeo and Juliette, and his life was more miserable than the Beast's before he found Belle. Everywhere he turned there was mishap and pain, everywhere he looked he saw nothing but a dismal downpour of hell, not even so much as a ray of hope, and God forbid that there ever be a rainbow promising a let up in the rain. Like just about everyone else in this town, Dustin was pretty screwed up... only thing was... he was way more screwed up than any of them. Oh sure, some people here had probably killed people before... whether in wars or as police... but none of them had shot and killed an unarmed man out of anger and disgust... none of them except for Dustin, that is... and even if any of them had, they probably felt some guilt about it... but not Dustin... oh hell no, he never once regretted doing what he did. That man had deserved it. If given the chance to take it back, Dustin would do it the exact same way he did before.
Not regretting it didn't make it hurt any less though. He hated knowing that in order to serve that man justice for what he'd done to Dustin's little sister that he had to give up any and all chances he had at a future. No one would hire a murderer. He knew that no one knew that he had been the one to kill the man... but even so, the way his karma worked, as soon as he tried to get a job someone would somehow find out he did it, and he'd end up in prison and he'd die there where everyone could see, where the "death of a murder" would make the news and everyone would know. That wasn't what he wanted. When he died he wanted it to be in the dark shadows where no one would see him... no one could record his dying breath. Of course, he really would like for Riley to be the one whose hand he held as he died, but right now, he was sure he couldn't face her.
Riley had been pregnant with Dustin's baby...had being the key word there. All of his life he had only been battered by the world from every angle. Abusive parents, prison at 15, essentially becoming a sort of father figure at 17, having Shayla taken from him, Shayla being killed, the judgmental stares at the funeral, killing the man who killed her, and now finally being the cause of his own child's death. He had trusted her... he had believed that with her everything was safe and he could believe in her... but boy was he ever wrong. He had told her everything about himself. From the abusive parents to all his current drug addictions, he left no details out... then it all went downhill from there. She had initially lied about being pregnant just to get him back... but later turned out that she really was. Dustin was terrified, completely terrified, of being a father... but at the same time, he wanted to have that baby and prove to himself that he was better than his past.
Riley really had no idea what the death of the baby did to him. If there was one thing in this life that Dustin had believed would never be any part of betrayal of him, it was children. He loved them, he loved their innocence, their lack of understanding the horrors of the world... but now here that had been ruined. Fate had used that adoration of kids against him, making him believe that he was going to be a father only to have that snatched away from him as quickly as it had been given to him. Even though he had been terrified of not being a good enough dad for their child, he had been excited too. This was his second chance... a chance to do better with this child than he had with Shayla. Turns out that chance had all been an illusion. Fate had once again deceived him, and he was more than just hurt by it. He couldn't go without the drugs anymore, and his relapse was far worse than his previous addictions had been.
He had been trying to get over his addictions when he thought he was going to be a dad, but now that he knew it had all been taken away he had gone right back to it. Problem was, he didn't really know what he was addicted to. He would just take whatever he could get to try to numb the pain. It was nothing short of a miracle that he hadn't overdosed yet. Another problem was... it wasn't working. He was already so addicted that he would have to take ridiculous amounts of the drugs in order for the pain to be numbed the way it used to work... and he didn't really want to overdoes and die that way... so he couldn't take as much as he would really have liked to just for the sake of making the pain stop. On top of that, those two little voices in his head had returned, only this time louder. His heart screaming for him to go back to Riley, to not let this get between them, and his head bellowing that everyone was just going to end up getting hurt by him just like they always had and that he would be foolish to go back to her. It was a never ending battle and it was driving him insane.
Now I'm sure you don't think it could get worse... but it does. Because of a photographic memory, Dustin was regularly plagued by flashbacks of the things that had hurt him, and they were almost crippling. When he would have a flashback he would be pulled back into it so much that for the length of the flashback he would be frozen and unable to move. When he would come out of the flashback, he would jump almost violently as if someone had fired a gun right behind him when he hadn't expected it. Unfortunately it was never the good memories, of which he had few, and they always ended up exposing unhealed wounds. He had a hell of a life, that was for sure.
Currently, he was in the middle of one of those moments. He was, as usual, very likely slightly high on something from this morning, and as its affects began to wear off, he turned to the ever faithful pot. Dustin was bound to die from liver failure, lung cancer, and god knows what else with all the other drugs he was taking. He was in a rough spot in his life right now... and unfortunately that rough spot comprised almost the entirety of his life.
It was her, he knew it was. He would recognize that step anywhere, he pretended, though, that he didn't hear it. He smiled gently, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. Her arms were thrown around his neck from behind as the little girl hopped up on his back. He, of course, pretended to be surprised for her enjoyment, then put his arms behind him and around her. He flipped the girl over his shoulder and into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around her body as that beautiful little face turned up at him and smiled, her melodic laugh filling the air as she closed one of his arms in her grasp.
Dustin brushed her bangs out of her face, and leaned down to kiss her forehead.Lookit what I made in Sunday school! She said proudly, displaying a small and smooth rock to him, with words "pray" written across it. Dustin hadn't ever believed in any of that religion stuff, considering what his dad had done to him, but Shayla's foster family was big into it, and had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday, and she seemed to enjoy it, so he wasn't going to stop them from taking her. Did you make that all by yourself? He asked with a smile as he looked at her newest prized possession. Well...Mrs. McLaury helped a little... He had known that would be her answer, but it made no difference to him. She was happy, and he was happy...that was all that mattered.
Although it may seem like a happy memory... it was indeed a painful one. She had been so perfect, she didn't deserve to die, and it killed Dustin every day to know that if he had just waited one more year to come to the United States she would still be alive and in his custody. He hated himself for that... and yes, he did partially blame himself for her death. He took a long drag on the joint in his hand, trying to drown the migraine that was building in the back of his head as well as the memory that had haunted him for so long. He wanted to move on. As he exhaled the smoke from his lungs, he sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking every bit as miserable as he felt. Today was not his day... in fact, this whole life was not his life. He had very few times that he could look on as being happy, and those times had been short lived and always ended in pain for him. He needed a reset button... and unfortunately that was impossible, so he was just going to have to suffer the same way he had been since as long as he could remember.
Tagged: open
Words: 1652
Notes: Just to clarify he's leaning on the back of a building in the alley
Outfit: Here
Not regretting it didn't make it hurt any less though. He hated knowing that in order to serve that man justice for what he'd done to Dustin's little sister that he had to give up any and all chances he had at a future. No one would hire a murderer. He knew that no one knew that he had been the one to kill the man... but even so, the way his karma worked, as soon as he tried to get a job someone would somehow find out he did it, and he'd end up in prison and he'd die there where everyone could see, where the "death of a murder" would make the news and everyone would know. That wasn't what he wanted. When he died he wanted it to be in the dark shadows where no one would see him... no one could record his dying breath. Of course, he really would like for Riley to be the one whose hand he held as he died, but right now, he was sure he couldn't face her.
Riley had been pregnant with Dustin's baby...had being the key word there. All of his life he had only been battered by the world from every angle. Abusive parents, prison at 15, essentially becoming a sort of father figure at 17, having Shayla taken from him, Shayla being killed, the judgmental stares at the funeral, killing the man who killed her, and now finally being the cause of his own child's death. He had trusted her... he had believed that with her everything was safe and he could believe in her... but boy was he ever wrong. He had told her everything about himself. From the abusive parents to all his current drug addictions, he left no details out... then it all went downhill from there. She had initially lied about being pregnant just to get him back... but later turned out that she really was. Dustin was terrified, completely terrified, of being a father... but at the same time, he wanted to have that baby and prove to himself that he was better than his past.
Riley really had no idea what the death of the baby did to him. If there was one thing in this life that Dustin had believed would never be any part of betrayal of him, it was children. He loved them, he loved their innocence, their lack of understanding the horrors of the world... but now here that had been ruined. Fate had used that adoration of kids against him, making him believe that he was going to be a father only to have that snatched away from him as quickly as it had been given to him. Even though he had been terrified of not being a good enough dad for their child, he had been excited too. This was his second chance... a chance to do better with this child than he had with Shayla. Turns out that chance had all been an illusion. Fate had once again deceived him, and he was more than just hurt by it. He couldn't go without the drugs anymore, and his relapse was far worse than his previous addictions had been.
He had been trying to get over his addictions when he thought he was going to be a dad, but now that he knew it had all been taken away he had gone right back to it. Problem was, he didn't really know what he was addicted to. He would just take whatever he could get to try to numb the pain. It was nothing short of a miracle that he hadn't overdosed yet. Another problem was... it wasn't working. He was already so addicted that he would have to take ridiculous amounts of the drugs in order for the pain to be numbed the way it used to work... and he didn't really want to overdoes and die that way... so he couldn't take as much as he would really have liked to just for the sake of making the pain stop. On top of that, those two little voices in his head had returned, only this time louder. His heart screaming for him to go back to Riley, to not let this get between them, and his head bellowing that everyone was just going to end up getting hurt by him just like they always had and that he would be foolish to go back to her. It was a never ending battle and it was driving him insane.
Now I'm sure you don't think it could get worse... but it does. Because of a photographic memory, Dustin was regularly plagued by flashbacks of the things that had hurt him, and they were almost crippling. When he would have a flashback he would be pulled back into it so much that for the length of the flashback he would be frozen and unable to move. When he would come out of the flashback, he would jump almost violently as if someone had fired a gun right behind him when he hadn't expected it. Unfortunately it was never the good memories, of which he had few, and they always ended up exposing unhealed wounds. He had a hell of a life, that was for sure.
Currently, he was in the middle of one of those moments. He was, as usual, very likely slightly high on something from this morning, and as its affects began to wear off, he turned to the ever faithful pot. Dustin was bound to die from liver failure, lung cancer, and god knows what else with all the other drugs he was taking. He was in a rough spot in his life right now... and unfortunately that rough spot comprised almost the entirety of his life.
It was her, he knew it was. He would recognize that step anywhere, he pretended, though, that he didn't hear it. He smiled gently, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. Her arms were thrown around his neck from behind as the little girl hopped up on his back. He, of course, pretended to be surprised for her enjoyment, then put his arms behind him and around her. He flipped the girl over his shoulder and into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around her body as that beautiful little face turned up at him and smiled, her melodic laugh filling the air as she closed one of his arms in her grasp.
Dustin brushed her bangs out of her face, and leaned down to kiss her forehead.
Although it may seem like a happy memory... it was indeed a painful one. She had been so perfect, she didn't deserve to die, and it killed Dustin every day to know that if he had just waited one more year to come to the United States she would still be alive and in his custody. He hated himself for that... and yes, he did partially blame himself for her death. He took a long drag on the joint in his hand, trying to drown the migraine that was building in the back of his head as well as the memory that had haunted him for so long. He wanted to move on. As he exhaled the smoke from his lungs, he sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking every bit as miserable as he felt. Today was not his day... in fact, this whole life was not his life. He had very few times that he could look on as being happy, and those times had been short lived and always ended in pain for him. He needed a reset button... and unfortunately that was impossible, so he was just going to have to suffer the same way he had been since as long as he could remember.
Tagged: open
Words: 1652
Notes: Just to clarify he's leaning on the back of a building in the alley
Outfit: Here